Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm trying to figure something out, so bear with me. This is important. In June, I left my job of almost 13 years and opened my own business. Same industry-insurance, but just doing it for myself rather than someone else. I've invested a significant amount of time and MONEY into starting this venture, and am now seriously second guessing my decision. I hate working all day alone. It's boring and drags me down mentally. I see our hard earned savings dwindling away and feel helpless and powerless to do anything about it. I'm unable to qualify the loss by saying "I'm investing in my family's future". I don't know if this is just a fear of failure, or depression, or just a negative attitude. I don't know what to do. When should I call it quits and just stop pretending that I'm going to make a go of this? Or is this just depression talking? I feel inadequate and lazy and I KNOW I haven't given this 110% like I should. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a type A perfectionist with OCD. Maybe my depression stems from innate knowledge that I'm not performing at my personal best, therefore I'm undermining my own ability to thrive as a business woman. Or maybe I'm just terrified of what having a failed business under my belt would do to me mentally, therefore I'm not giving it my best effort in an attempt to justify said future failure. Or maybe I'm just fucking crazy and my meds need to be updated. All I know for certain is if I get fired from this, I might never, ever be the same.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

I think a lot of people *talk* about starting their own business and do nothing about it. It takes a lot of courage to start a business.

Plus this economy is not great starting point, you know? I'm not sure what the deciding factor is. Perhaps a time line, you know?

Maybe you give it another six months, really throw yourself into and see where it goes. Then if it doesn't pick up you know you gave it everything and it just wasn't the right time.

Easy for me to say when my savings is not dwindling away. Good luck.

Unknown said...

Uh, could I say you know any more? I don't think so.

Nilliem said...

My dear...this is tough, and I feel your panic. I have to second what C-girl says, and set a limit, and just explode yourself into the job. I know its hard, and gut-wrenching.


But if you give it your all, you cannot say you didn't try!



ps. good to hear from you, topic notwithstanding

Groovn-girl said...

I am definitely sticking it out until June 1st. That will be one year in business, and I think I can objectively evaluate my goals at that point. I think just by writing or 'putting it out there' that I realize I'm undermining myself gives me a little bit better grasp on how to NOT do that. Not to sound like a whiny, little baby, but working alone sucks and I'm still trying to shake off that depression. Wish me luck with that one. :-)

Special K said...

I have no sage advice for you girlie but I do admire someone that can see their dream and realize it! Maybe more time is what you need, I can imagine it would be awful lonely to work alone but then again it can be just plain awesome too! (thinking back on past annoying co-workers in small spaces).
Hang in there! We are listening!