Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Oh my god! Heath Ledger is dead. They found him in one of the Olsen girl's apartments, surrounded by pills. Associated Press is thinking it might be drug related. (damn, what kind of gpa do they allow to graduate from journalism school?) Ya think, dumbass? It was either drugs or that skinny Olsen twin ate him.

I'm so going home to have a bottle of wine and watch A Knight's Tale.....

Rest in peace you sexy mothafuckahh.....

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Tonight is the season premiere of American Idol, tomorrow is my birthday, and the kid and spouse have purchased a gift for me that I have NO idea what it is. Also, I purchased myself a gift that involves round trip airfare to L.A. to see my girl, B, and five glorious days of debauchery in the big city.

that's going to be the title of the first p0rn book i write. Debauchery in the Big City.

Wish me a happy one!!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Today I'm going to see my doctor, in hopes that she can explain why my hormones have suddenly decided to go all mental on me. I quit smoking a little over three months ago with Chantix. (the pill that blocks your body's absorption of nicotine) I didn't have a lot of side effects while taking it, other than Really, Really messed up dreams. Every. Single. Night. The fucked up sleep went away, but now I haven't had a period in two months. Also, I fly off the handle with Intense rages, my face looks like I'm 16 again, and I could sleep twenty hours out of the day. Yes, I realize that this sounds a lot like pregnancy. Unfortunately I'm not pregnant. I took two home pregnancy tests a month ago and they were both negative.

Sidenote: I say 'unfortunately' because I'm currently experiencing baby fever something fierce! A friend had a beautiful baby girl a little over a year ago and I love her dearly. Also, my little sis is pregnant with my niece and I can't wait to meet her!!!! Here' a thought: maybe I'm having sympathy hormones? :-)

I wonder if my cats would let me dress them in those cute, frilly baby clothes I've been oohing and aaahing over lately?


Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A week from tomorrow I will be 34 years old. That makes me nine years older than I said I would be when I finally attained all my lofty goals of being a famous interior designer, married, with a fabulously trendy, window-filled Manhattan penthouse apartment. At the ripe old age of ten, I had visualized my life completely. I even included a daughter, Constance, in the picture and a couple of cats. The daughter would be a little carbon copy of me, and I would be beautiful with long red hair and green eyes. I'm assuming colored contacts were in the cards for me. And I would definitely own a jeep and a long red scarf trimmed in fur, just like Demi Moore's character Jules in St. Elmo's Fire.

The married part was implied, but Mr. Dreamboat wasn't actually detailed out. The prerequitsite tall, dark, and handsome would apply without saying. But he would also be Michael Jackson suave with Rob Lowe's sexy jawline. Michael J. Fox's eyes and Prince's sex appeal. Emilio Estevez's boyish charm, and Judd Nelson's bad boy image-complete with beat up trench coat and earring.

In a lot of ways, my real life has far exceeded the pre-teen daydreams. My husband is a green eyed (see! I Knew there'd be green eyes involved!) dark-haired artist. He has a brain that even my snobbish self can respect. AND he's the Best. Father. Like. Evah. And his butt... okay, so 10 year olds shouldn't be daydreaming about future hubby's package, but if I had've.... let's just say I nailed it on the spousal department and leave it at that.

I did have one daughter. She has my smile and blue eyes, and her father's chestnut hair. Chloe-not Contance- is the most beautiful, funny, intelligent girl this world will ever see. Sometimes I'm not sure I'm her mother, until she starts acting like a total brat. At that point I can see my genes blatantly.

I have three cuddly cats, all of which are snuggly and cute and funny and slightly cracked out.

My long red hair is short with blonde highlights, but it looks totally bitchin, so I'm good. No colored contacts, but I like seeing my eyes on my daughter's face so I wouldn't change that either. I'm not a professional decorator, but an insurance agent instead. Decorating is a hobby, a passion, and love of mine that has endured these past two decades so I guess there's still time on that one.

My sunroom in my single story brick home is filled with lots sexy windows, but I traded trees and a swingset for a penthouse view. And considering my hobby, the inside is-of course- fabulously trendy.

All in all, I'd say I don't have much to bitch about. Except for that insurance agent part. What the hell was I thinking?

And my husband is so NOT Michael Jackson suave. And I'm 100% okay with that.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Borrowed from SpecialK, but I'm too retarded to link so try this: http://www.specialk513.blogspot.com/

1.What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Uhm, went tubing off the back of a boat, while totally freaking wasted.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I quit smoking, so yes, mine were kept. I did make more for 2008-get in better shape. Trim up the jelly belly.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. Thank GOD!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Damn, I don't have many left, so no.

5. What countries did you visit? The hills in Arkansas and LaLaLand and Mexico. All of which constitute an out of mind/body experience.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Patience, a greater sense of accomplishment with life, a more fulfilling career.... but I'd totally settle for a really hot pair of shoes.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Uhmmm...my anniversary was fun this year. Honeymoon jacuzzi suite and cheap champagne. Booyah!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Sucessfully hosting my sister's snooty, wealthy, fancy pants in-laws for her wedding shower, and doing it with grace and panache.

9. What was your biggest failure? Stuffing my face full of candy after quitting smoking and then gaining seven pounds because of it.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Sick to fucking death of my job, but that's about it. (knocks wood profusely!!!!)

11. What was the best thing you bought? Microsoft Zune

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my husband's. Not only is he dead sexy, but he is also an extremely talented artist. AND he doesn't give me too much shit.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? my own, sometimes. But that's no different than any other year. Paris Hilton? Britney Spears? Hell, I don't know. I don't hang with appallingly depressed peeps.

14. Where did most of your money go? Stop smoking pills and shoes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My baby sister is having a baby girl. I'm so going to Rock the whole Aunt Scene.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Seether is pretty good, but only because I'm wrapped up in the newest album right now. a LOT of freaking Daughtry on the radio, and I got to meet him so maybe that should apply. But I love me some My Chemical Romance too. but only because I'm so emo like 'dat.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Seven pounds fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Hanging with my girl, B. and hot, sweaty living room sex with the spouse.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? ate fucking snickers

20. How did you spend Christmas? dazed and confused with lack of sleep. Opening all my fabulous gifts with the kid and spouse and my best girl, B, and my two sisters. Then off to the Grandma-in-law's house for excellent grubbage and more presents! Squee!

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? Only with some smokin hot Styla eyeshadow in pale bronze. Sexy.

22. What was your favorite TV program? House. Hugh Laurie, mmmm mmm good!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I'm a lover, not a hater.

24. What was the best book you read? Mary Janice Davidson's Betsy the Vampire series. Most hilariously funny chick lit fluff i've read in a long time. I Consumed these books in hours!! While stuffing my face with snickers and laughing until I peed my pants a little.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? My Chemical Romance is probably my most recent favorite. I had Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and liked it a lot, but didn't fall in Luv until Black Parade came out.

26. What did you want and get? Gorgeous new dishes.

27. What did you want and not get? Whirled peas. And lipo.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? I'm always a few years behind, but I watched the Simpsons movie last night, and I have to admit that as far as low-brow humor goes, that movie has everything. I laughed out loud!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33 and I spent it drunk on Sunset Strip with my girls. Listening to Chris Daughtry in concert and then chasing him down to say "hi" and "i voted for you" I'm living proof that geekiness doesn't diminish with age.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? New wood flooring was on my list, but I wouldn't turn down a new car, a million dollars, or a glamorous new job in a foreign country. or diamonds. That's good too.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Can you say Magpie? If it's sparkly and pretty I'm immediately attracted to it. And something about horrendously uncomfortable shoes. They're just hot.

32. What kept you sane? Z0loft. and the spouse.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I'm assuming by 'fancy' you really mean who would I rip the clothing off with my teeth? --and I'm extremely anal retentive about my pearly whites! I guess I'm with Kay on this one-Steven Tyler, as always. But I find myself more than a little in lust with Johnny Depp (three years running!) and Orlando Bloom and both of the Pitt-Jolies.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Global warming was kinda put on the front burner this year. I got really, really aggressive on recycling and the spouse and i replaced all of our appliances and windows and doors with energy star rated stuff. I mean, I'm a massive consumer on a lot of goods, and I don't always buy american. Also I hate some of the organic foods. But I sincerely value the communion with a healthy, thriving environment and want my grandkids to be able to do the same.

35. Who did you miss? B, but only because she's a travelling nurse and is Always Gone.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Nobody yet. I tend to be judgemental about a lot of things and I have to build up a genuine respect for someone before I can bond. I've met a wait and see person, but so far i'm still waiting.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. It's just another year. The only difference between 2007 and 2008 is a single digit. It's up to me to make those apocolyptic changes that i want out of life. That's scary as fuck but still a welcome challenge.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Since my kiddo hit the double digits this year (ten years old! eek, my baby!) How about a little My Chemical Romance and "teenagers scare the living shit out of me"