Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm trying to figure something out, so bear with me. This is important. In June, I left my job of almost 13 years and opened my own business. Same industry-insurance, but just doing it for myself rather than someone else. I've invested a significant amount of time and MONEY into starting this venture, and am now seriously second guessing my decision. I hate working all day alone. It's boring and drags me down mentally. I see our hard earned savings dwindling away and feel helpless and powerless to do anything about it. I'm unable to qualify the loss by saying "I'm investing in my family's future". I don't know if this is just a fear of failure, or depression, or just a negative attitude. I don't know what to do. When should I call it quits and just stop pretending that I'm going to make a go of this? Or is this just depression talking? I feel inadequate and lazy and I KNOW I haven't given this 110% like I should. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a type A perfectionist with OCD. Maybe my depression stems from innate knowledge that I'm not performing at my personal best, therefore I'm undermining my own ability to thrive as a business woman. Or maybe I'm just terrified of what having a failed business under my belt would do to me mentally, therefore I'm not giving it my best effort in an attempt to justify said future failure. Or maybe I'm just fucking crazy and my meds need to be updated. All I know for certain is if I get fired from this, I might never, ever be the same.